Sometimes things hit you out of nowhere like a ton of bricks. Today, I had one of those moments.
It has been 8 months since I held my fathers hand as he passed away, and 18 months since I kissed my mom on the cheek and watched as she took her last breath. I try not to think about it and I try to be strong, but sometimes certain things just hit you. I have heard a song come on the radio and had to pull over because I broke down crying thinking of them and how they are gone. I still haven't accepted it, and sometimes I even catch myself thinking, just for a second, 'why hasn't mom called lately?' Or 'dad would love the end of that car race.' And then it hits you, all over again, and again.
I haven't had any moments for a few weeks now, mainly just because of how busy we have been. But, today at work, one of my coworkers made a joke about forgetting about a project by saying, 'that must have been before my second stroke.' Everyone around me laughed, but all I could picture was my dad, fighting for his life in the 4 days he was alive after his stroke.
Nobody on my team would know, and I am taking things way too personally, but I couldn't stop thinking about it for the rest of the day.
It was just one of those moments, where everything hits you again at once. I would love to know when this stops happening, but I don't want to EVER worry about moments hitting me and making me laugh and smile about the good times, but I am not there yet.